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Archive for the ‘Tips on improving relationships at work and in life or at home.’ Category

Laughter or Lecture?

June 6, 2016

I haven’t posted an article for a while but that doesn’t mean that I haven’t been busy doing things that are fun and that help develop life skills.

For example, today I found myself counselling family members on leadership. I would have entitled the engaging discussion we had as “Laughter or Lecture.”

In this day and age when adult children are staying longer periods with parents, it’s really important that everyone gets along in a harmonious fashion. Without belabouring the point, in what way are you more apt to be able to teach such adults? With laughter or a lecture?

Intuitively we realize that laughter is the key. However, too many of us are tired or in difficult jobs, so sometimes we lack the energy to educate effectively.

Just remember, adults are more likely to learn things from older adults if they are taught in a fun way. This demonstrates real and authentic leadership. Don’t be the “prince of darkness” in your approach with them. All doom and gloom and lecure-y! There’s no quicker way to tune them out and to lose their interest!

Remember to laugh and to have joyous times with them, and they are much more likely to imbibe the important life lessons that you wish to impart to them!

Best regards,

Nilesh Shreedhar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Inner self talk is critical to success in life.

December 2, 2015

Finding your voice.

Past voices….

As usual, Toastmasters never ceases to inspire….

Using a style of writing that I’ve used before, and tying in to my ending, I will tell you where I am headed with this piece of writing….to My goals (please use this as a work-through (or ‘workshop’) to achieve whatever happen to be YOUR goals! This is meant to INSPIRE YOU! LOL). I want to share how important self-talk can be to success in life….

I promise to get you there reasonably quickly via past voices (negative ones of course) that my Toastmaster mentor Dawna (short form To-rmentor? No, I digress)…I will keep her last name private, but she does exist and has inspired many) was able to work through…given her near-death experience. Yes, near-death. Don’t wait for life to take you there before you take life where you want to go!

Come, now let us work through this together. Dawna’s Toastmaster workshop (Jan 2015) took us through a time long ago in her life, which still resonated slightly in her mind. We could see that she still had a little bit more work to do (as far as positive self-talk was concerned).

Years back, it was the teacher’s voice (Miller) that spoke to her and compared her negatively to her sister, older to her, and better at many things. This left her in a wake of comparisons made by other teachers who invariably knew her sister and made negative inferences too….

Lesson: ignore the negative voices in life (the ones that don’t fit in with a healthy self-image of yourself). For your benefit, and to personalize this story a bit more, here is an excerpt from the handout that Dawna provided us, so you get the point…idea is to work through your negative voices, so put this piece into practice, will ya! Do this by answering italicized questions….or absorbing the presented information to improve your thinking. Here are the excerpts (italicized):

My Mr. Miller is….

‘Certainly not as good as your sister are you?’  (This had a huge impact on Dawna’s life…  She gave up – she quit! Lesson: don’t listen to negative voices, DON’T QUIT! EV-ER! This is when you go Lalalalala in your head! As a child, or as an adult. Don’t listen! LOL.

In retrospect, what should Dawna (read ‘this could be any one of us, but we will use Dawna as our guinea-pig test person as per her workshop) have done differently? (Folks, this is where you are supposed to THINK and come up with some positive solutions – for the rusty, just substitute any positive affirmation)

‘It’s a product of what I did!  It’s my best work ever!’  Remember, whatever you have created (at school, work, or play), is PERSONAL expression and it is NOT – NOT to be compared with others….even (or especially) when you are a teacher (read mentor, parent, older respected sibling et al).

My nurse Amanda is…I should explain; nurse Amanda was the one who Dawna first heard say ‘we didn’t think you would survive!’ when Dawna ended up in the hospital due to serious stress related conditions. The italicized portion below will explain how she internalized this statement. (Backdrop: Shakespeare – remember, ‘nothing is good or bad, thinking makes it so!’)

Dawna: through self-induced stress…. She was barely conscious.  Stressed.  Exhausted. She spent three weeks in a hospital!  Nurse Amanda: ‘Dawna, we didn’t think you would survive!’

So…Dawna felt she was not supposed to be here! (Yes – she meant on earth)… She stopped having fun.  It was a ‘Wow’ experience – in a very negative way!

My Jennifer is…again, this bears explanation…in Dawna’s workshop, Jennifer was a good buddy and best friend who helped her realize the positives in life; she offered Dawna heart-felt and sincere encouragement and helped her heal from her negative thinking and cloudy past.

My cheer-leading team: Who is yours? For example, one of mine is: Shelley U., David L., and Isabelle H.  They are my encouragers and I probably owe them a debt of gratitude. Not probably, I do. Thank the people that believe and encourage you….

Lesson:

Shakespeare:

‘ Nothing is good or bad… thinking makes it so….’

Now, as per Dawna’s workshop….we are going back and reliving those moments in life, (we all have them) using a NEW perspective and the introspective that Dawna provided us:

My future voices…

If I could go back to Mr. Miller I would….  Have the wisdom I now have, with conviction….

I now choose to tell myself….  ‘Nothing is good or bad thinking makes it so.’

If I could go back to my nurse Amanda I would….

Use more positive affirmations, and change the (negative) messages in my head. I’d meditate, be more healthy, associate with positive people, stay healthy, and have more purpose in life.  Live a renewed life as a second chance….for living in greater abundance!

I now choose to tell myself….my affirmations….

‘Nothing is good or bad thinking makes it so.’

If I could go back to my Jennifer I would

Thank her!

Realize ‘they’ (the negative ones) don’t know me….  hence they Gotta be wrong.

Watch serials Buddha and Suits. (I love them!)

My leadership voice…

I need to tell Trish P that she is quick and decisive.

I need to tell Kalida….thank you!

I need to tell Agee….hey! Thanks for being you!

Lesson:

Inner self talk is crucial to success in life.

BIG take-away from this workshop: How to turn negative talk into something positive.

PEOPLE, your self-talk is really important! It can ultimately be damaging or life-enhancing. At least be a good ‘Buddhist’ and ‘take the middle road’ and don’t be too hard on yourselves. (Talk out your negatives out loud to see if they sound ‘right’ or completely off the wall!)

In sum, Donna was shy and timid….  Her sister was an athletic and an academic star.  Jen was a best friend and star athlete.  Donna was part of a big family of children who were special from top to bottom yet Donna felt stuck in the middle, forgotten and unimportant.  Birth order can be determinative of how you feel – if you let it! Donna felt like someone stuck in the middle.

To overcome her difficulties though, she changed her mind set and the way she talked to herself….

Here’s one final positive thought for us to all take away…. to be more mindful of, and kinder and gentler with ourselves… what Donna learned from a positive role model, mentor and good friend….

Her friends said that though she was not the end pieces in her large family of siblings…she was the peanut butter…. the jam that made the whole sandwich sweet! (Aww!’ So sweet! No pun intended.)

So be good to yourself, and everyone else will too! We can be our own worst enemies, or our own best friends. It just takes a mental adjustment! You know….

Inner Self-talk can be critical to success in life!

Nilesh Shreedhar.

It’s Not About You! Vegas gems from TM International Conference.

September 2, 2015

Here is another of the wealth of ideas gleaned from the recent Vegas convention I attended (I still have many more pieces of writing I want to post!)

Well you know the format…if you’ve been following….Here it is once again, in case this is a ‘one-off’ for you and you happen to have just ‘dropped in,’ so to speak. (No hyphens). J

Organization: Toastmasters.org (International) at TM International Conference: August 13-16, 2015.

Patrick Hammond, Toastmasters, Las Vegas Championship Entry Speech.

Venue: Caesar’s Palace, Las Vegas, U.S.A.

Purpose of this post (Acronym: R O S E):

  1. To Retain this valuable information for posterity.
  2. To Offer inspiration to people.
  3. To Share the wisdom gleaned from motivational and inspirational speech givers at such events.
  4. To Effect positive changes in the world.

 

It’s not about you

Patrick Hammond.

A thief stole sentimental things from his home….Patrick, a youth leader learned from his youth group that such thieves, due to the way they operate, are called ‘flockers,’ –  a new word for Patrick, juvenile care worker. ‘Think about the effect on those you are connected to,’ he said….
He spoke of broken promises; of his own mother who had colon cancer. His brother had broken the law. Their mother was now on her death bed, but was hanging on. The possibility of mother and incarcerated brother being able to speak was remote, but she wanted to hang on only to speak to this son….

Patrick, asked his juvenile kids the important question, ‘why did she hang on before she passed?’

Practically shouting at us in a dramatic finish to his speech, (as he must have with those under his care). No! not just to have closure with the son – but the more important lesson here was that your actions have serious consequences -on those you love….and… whether they can live or even die… in peace! It’s not about you!

In the end – literally at the very end in the case of his mother’s life – it’s not about you!  It’s more about the effect you have on the people in your life.

The story was an excellent instructional tool for kids… no… for us all, actually….worth thinking about!

That’s today’s post folks!

Best regards,

Nilesh Shreedhar

What is a Thought Ninja? (More Vegas TM Content)

August 30, 2015

Here is a concept I learned from the recent Vegas convention I attended (I still have 14 or so more pieces of writing I want to post!)

Well you know the format…if you’ve been following….Here it is once again, in case this is a ‘one-off’ for you and you happen to have just ‘dropped in,’ so to speak (I hate hyphens, sorry). Let me reword that, I can’t be bothered….no hate involved. That wouldn’t be very equanimous…apologies…inside joke for Vipassana meditators http://www.torana.dhamma.org/) . LOL.

Organization: Toastmasters.org (International) at TM International Conference: August 13-16, 2015.

Ed Young, Toastmasters, Las Vegas Championship Entry Speech.

Venue: Caesar’s Palace, Las Vegas, U.S.A.

Purpose of this post (Acronym: R O S E):

  1. To Retain this valuable information for posterity.
  2. To Offer inspiration to people.
  3. To Share the wisdom gleaned from motivational and inspirational speech givers at such events.
  4. To Effect positive changes in the world.

This speech was done by Ed Young and it was about keeping your promises, during the just completed International Toastmasters Conference in Las Vegas, U.S.A. As such, if it inspires even one person today, I think it will have accomplished it’s goal….

What is a thought ninja? Ed Young, asked?

He accomplished the commendable goal of staying sober for 16 years.

As I quickly tried to take notes at the convention, it soon became obvious that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with all the messages from all the different speakers. So I aimed for content….this one had a significant message:

The point of his story was that Ed was able to stay the with girl of his dreams….He did that by ‘assassinating the negative thoughts.’

So he called upon us to ‘dare to achieve your dreams,’ as he said, others may be depending on you….like a little girl, or a bride to be, someone who believes in you. Important to do so…so they keep theirs….too.

Before we let our dreams get compromised, analyze the content in your minds. Is it being sabotaged by little ‘thought ninjas?’ You must assassinate them upon contact!

Wonderful speech. Still a winning one in my books…for its content! So defeat your thought ninjas and achieve your goals, your dreams!

That’s today’s post folks!

Best regards,

Nilesh.

 

 

 

 

Arfath Saleem’s “To be a Legend.”

August 23, 2015

Speech giver: Arfath Saleem.

Organization: Toastmasters.org (International) at TM International Conference: August 13-16, 2015.

Venue: Caesar’s Palace, Las Vegas, U.S.A.

Purpose of this post (Acronym: R O S E):

1. To Retain this valuable information for posterity.
2. To Offer inspiration to people.
3. To Share the wisdom gleaned from motivational and inspirational speech givers at such events.
4. To Effect positive changes in the world.
This speech was done by Arfath Saleem and it is called “To be a legend.” during the just completed International Toastmasters Conference in Las Vegas, U.S.A.

Here it is as best as I can recall….

Arfath Saleem’s “To be a legend.”

Just three words…That’s all it takes….
Arfath fell in love 15 years ago with his math teacher. He had a gambling problem…at a tender age and became the school’s so-called ‘favourite’ student. Well, not exactly….

They kept him back since he was too busy gambling, not studying. His mother became very concerned and she introduced him to a student tutor named Samantha. Samantha said: “I’ll help you…” From that day those three words changed his life. Samantha devoted 15 hours per week to help him study. She made him feel smart! Result: he aced all is subjects!
In the process she had changed who he was…he said, she was his jackpot and quickly realized she was the type of person having the stuff legends were made of…Samantha became his hero.
Some time later Aunt Jenny came to him with the same problem – her son was having difficulties in school. ….Arfath, all grown up, now himself tutored school subjects. He ran to her and spoke the same three words that Samantha had spoken to him many years back…the same three words that changed his life…I’ll help you, he said. He met her son for only 15 minutes every week and with that he was able to score 93 on his math paper.
Ms. Samantha had become legendary enabling Arfath to be a conduit to help others. Like Dr. Ralph Smedley who first offered help to those who had difficulties standing up and giving speeches creating Toastmasters in the process.
Isn’t that in fact, what legends do? You just need three words to be a legend, not a special degree….I’ll help you!

Nilesh Shreedhar.

https://www.facebook.com/arfath.saleem?fref=ts

Jeffley’s “Dial it Up!” (to Life).

August 21, 2015

Speech giver: James Jeffley

Organization: Toastmasters.org (International) at TM International Conference: August 13-16, 2015.

Venue: Caesar’s Palace, Las Vegas, U.S.A.

Purpose of this post (Acronym: R O S E):

  1. To Retain this valuable information for posterity.
  2. To Offer inspiration to people.
  3. To Share the wisdom gleaned from motivational and inspirational speech givers at such events.
  4. To Effect positive changes in the world.

This speech (“Up Yours!”) was given by James Jeffley, speech contest participant at Caesar’s Palace during the just completed International Toastmasters Conference in Las Vegas, U.S.A.

Dial it up. James Jeffley. Life is like a thermostat….up yours. Dial up your thermostat. Find Peace and greater consciousness. Up yourself. There are tools to dial oneself up….

On the 18th Mar 2015, he was talking to his sister who called. What’s up? Then came the cold, hard facts….dad passed….He fell to the ground….

Even as minister, sometimes he needs help too….having learned through difficult experiences the purpose of his speech was to provide some tools. He himself was able to dial himself up…refocus, centre, and rededicate himself to life, and he continues to do so today.

What does it mean – ‘to dial oneself up,’ how do we do this? Shift your state (of consciousness) when you’ve been knocked down…and remember always…to…breathe….

2015 was an incredibly difficult year. On the 08th  Jun he received a second blast of negative information…He had been happily married for 20 years, the last four, well, let’s just say, he should have seen it coming …Even then, despite the coldness, lack of intimacy and sharing, he still wondered later….if he was going to be missed, if he jumped at the edge of the pier….as his marriage fell apart completely and divorce proceedings had begun.

His bucket list is what saved him…he’d always wanted to join Toastmasters…and somehow, miraculously at this, his lowest point, the thought… “why not join Toastmasters?” entered his mind life). In Toastmasters he found an esprit de vivre, an enthusiasm, a joy and a new way of looking at life! For these very reasons, James credits Toastmasters as saving his life!

Reach out to positive people. Yes, 2015 was a bad year, with losses that were difficult to bear – no one wants to lose a close relative, especially someone as dear as a father. And to add to this, the utter breakdown of his marriage…regardless to say, there were some pretty desperate moments in James’ life in 2015.

Counting his blessings though, he had the support of good friends, like Kiran P. and he remembered to be grateful for everything in the world – he gave thanks for every breath, being able to hear, for absolutely everything…and these thoughts turned into hope and happiness…Is there something you would like to dial up? Breathe, be grateful, join in!….Life is like a thermostat….so…Up yours….!


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